just thought of something just thought of something. another something for the velour stripes.

first, the velour stripes... . ... ..

if it weren't for a red velour blanket that my mom gave to me, i wouldn't know velour by heart

if i hadn't known velour by heart, i wouldn't have touched bob sled john's velour stripes on the shoulder of his shirt to see if it was suede and automatically (for i am otherwise never witty and automatic) say , oh. velour. at the same time as bob sled john. a complete stranger come into a restaurant

and if we both hadn't known velour by heart, we would have never felt compelled to try out a date.

and if we hadn't felt so compelled , because after the word velour we knew we'd never fit,, i wouldn't have started blubbering in the middle of the cafe

and we wouldn't have talked and tried to explain and maybe have never remembered each other

and i wouldn'thave gone home still upset and call a boy on the telephone who i hardly knew and say can i come over

and we would never have become such friends as we now are

and i wouldn't have just now watched the professional

and wouldn't have been thinking about the velour stripes

again

and

aghhhhhhhhhh lugh.

can't explain can'texplain cannnot explain.

forgot what the bloody thought was.

..

it went in a circle though

it all always goes in a circle

somehow

if there had never been that red velour blanket, ... . . ... .... i wouldn't 've known brent and if i'd never 've known brent, the red velour blanket never would've been

what was it

.

oh well. it will come back in a minute

.

.

.

....

it made sense for a second though

..

..

.

i just remembered that molly is burried in the red velour blanket.

it was her favorite.

that dog's eyes.

when she looked at me. when she looked at anything. she . .. she seemed so wise. she looked and seemed to see everything to make up a moment and love all of it by loving the moment and love the moment more by loving all of the makings up of it. her eyes.

yeh. i forgot that was the same blanke.t.

she deserves that

oh god. she tried so hard to breathe but that bastard just crushed her. she tried so hard but she was so delicate

we're so delicate

it's so easy to die.

people always say this

because somebody saw it first

and somebody said it first

and he said the truth

it is SO easy

. ... .

. .

.

.

...

.

...

.

.

..

.

.

i wish i could make sense i wish i could tell somebody a thought and it make sense.

it seems this only happens when you share most of your life with the somebody for a good bit of long time

but then you are the same persons

does this make you the same persons

in the sharities

and then you say the one more something to the somebody and if they see it the same as you, you two are the same person for that moment

so is that why people talk to people.

onetime sarah said that kissing is just an acting out of sex

so talking is too

so is it bad then to share yourself with another person besides your spouse?

where is the line where there is too much sharing

so if i watch a movie and it touches me is this the same as infidelity?

how did jesus know what was sin and what wasn't

what is the bad part of infidelity if it is not the sharing your innermost insecurities and , just everything with the person

man. "the whole sex thing" is confusing.

maybe that mereity is why we're supposed to just leave it alone till we're absolutely sure

kinda like nukes? hands off, humans. you don't know what you're doing. do not touch. not meant for you.

ohh. exaggeration exaggeration.

way outa proportion

....

.

.

i haven't taken that medicine in a while.

the old blowing things wayy out of proportion kate is back to haunt

.

i hope nobody reads this. i don't know quite why i'm puting it.

i wish leon were real

i wish seymore were real

.

but i guess they are.

they are named everyone i know's names

but

leon and seymore are just characters

amelie is just a character

matilda and miette. marion and her angel lover

.

they're just characters.

so i can say, hey. that's ok.

i know that one little annoyingitie will never go anywhere. no progression

like loving a stuffed animal

like loving a person who has been dead for a hundred years

like loving the moment of a memory

.

god help me love what you give me

not what you give so and so in a story

or what you give dayle

or leslie

god help me trust people with what i endeavor to show them of me

god help me to not throw things at people and scare them to death away.

god give me this prayer i've been praying for a long time

(hah)

patience.

.

god help me to accept a circumstance

but don't allow me to accept what mIGHt be in a moment

help me to not be selfish

and help me to not be afraid of being selfish

help me to be humble

and not to hate myself

help me to love others

but not to idolize them

help me to love others

but not to smother them

help me to be quiet

and still

and help me to speak

help me to not be afraid all the time

help me to not be cruel