lately i've been thinking that i should write in this thing again. it helps put things into perspective - thinking things out to the extent of words - .

saw a movie the other day that is now definitely one of my top ten. maybe top two. it is called "thirteen conversations about one thing" another one of those movies of many different characters, many different plots, connected in some way. but this was so much more wonderfully thought out than the majority of them. ok. enough movie review crap.

a line from it , the last line, is something like: life, it only makes sense when we look at it backwards, .. too bad we gotta live it forwards..

last night dad picked me up from work and we went out to the house. we had this long conversation on the way out there about his opinion on why my brother acts the way he does/... very protective of my parents toward me and sarah (my sis_). jealous ... blah balh. i've heard my mom's view on the whole thing a hundred times, but . never really dad's. he said that the other night he was reading in proverbs and saw a verse that went something like "a wise man does not reveal all he knows."

and he said how it was parabled in a story about a prophet named somehing or other who went into some place or other to anoint david king of israel. god told him to tell the gatekeepers of the land that he was going in to make a sacrifice. he brought his own cow and everything. he went in, made his sacrifice, and then went over to david's dad's house and annointed david king. you see, if he had told the gatekeepers that he was going into their land to annoint david (which was his real reason for entering), this prophet dude would have been killed by king saul. and david wouldn't have been annointed. and david probably would've been killed too.

and dad said that he and mom told john (my brother) that he was adopted when he was like three years old.

which was way too early.

he said they should've waited until he was atleast twelve so he could have coped better.

and when sarah (my sis) was born, john started getting asthma attacks. dad says this was definitely caused by his insecurity.

how would you react if you were that young and found out that you had a birth mother somewhere who had given you up.? would you feel like your new mom might very well give you up too?

and my goodness, all of the sudden your new mom has a kid of her own.

and she gives it attention? unheard of.

so. my sandwich is getting cold.